Surgery and Commonly Asked Questions

After seemingly endless weeks of freaking out and studying, APs AND SATs are finally over. For me, at least.
Huzzah!

I had my Peroneal Groove Deepening procedure done almost a month ago, and I wanted to talk a little bit about that. I've done a lot of internet research on it, and the most helpful things have been reading blogs by people who have had the same or similar surgeries, so I thought I might offer the same help to someone, hopefully.
I know I haven't talked a lot about what the initial issue was, so here goes:

I've had ankle troubles for about three years. It mostly began when I started to play Ultimate pretty seriously. That sport is no good for your body- it makes you fall in love with it, and then physically tears you to pieces because of all the running, jumping, laying out, falling, colliding, sudden turns and bursts of energy. That's what makes it awesome.
We went to my doctor on several occassions over this three year period to check out what was up. I didn't have a podiatrist at the time, and was simply told that my tendons were inflamed and strained. I was told to ice, milk my achilles (this is a sort of weird massaging technique that releases fluid trapped around the tendon. It feels sooo nice), and wear a brace when I needed it. I took to using my brother's old ASO brace, which we've since found out was too big for me anyways. My pain persisted, and I tended to walk with a slight to pronounced limp, depending on the day. One of the issues was that I had pain and inflamation in both of my ankles and tendons. Sometimes they alternated seasons, and other times they would both hurt at once. Looking back on it, it seems like we should have realized something was wrong. This November, after doing the Acadia Challenge (nine peaks in one day- awesome!), one of my friends noticed the my right ankle clicked and grinded when I turned, pointed, and flexed my foot. This after having twisted and rolled the same ankle before donning my brace while hiking. He suggested that it could be pieces of cartilidge wearing down on each other in my ankle. We went back to my doctor two or three times after this. My doctor did a few ankle adjustments, which involved "whipping" my foot back into place, as it was sliding around to places it wasn't supposed to slide to. This would help for a very short period of time, and then the clicking would return. My doctor agreed that it could be a cartilidge issue, and so I was ordered an MRI in December. First of all, MRIs suck. I'm not clausterphobic, which didn't matter anyways, since I only had to stick my leg into the tunnel. However, I'm apparently very wiggly, even when I think I'm sitting perfectly still. Second of all, my MRI came back negative for any problems. According to the test, my ankle was perfectly normal. Even though it wasn't. For anyone going through ankle issues, listen carefully: MRIs don't always show an issue. If an MRI comes back negative, and you're still having pain, you need to pester your doctor, because MRIs can't always see what's wrong. I was told to take about 1600 Mg of Ibuprofen every day for inflammation, and after about three weeks of simply accepting that it was all in my head, a friend (and my mother) pushed me to call my doctor again, and take him up on his offer to be referred to a specialist.
I was incredibly shy and nervous going to see the podiatrist. I was worried that I would again not receive a solid diagnosis. I didn't want to waste anyone's time. At the office, after explaining my history of ankle problems and my symptoms, they took a few x-rays and had me perform a few strength tests. The podiatrist explained that the issue was most likely that the groove in my fibula where the peroneal tendons sit was not deep enough, and so the tendons were sublexing- popping and sliding in and out of place, which caused the pain, the clicking, and the grinding. I was given a new, better fitting ASO brace, and was told that while bracing it would certainly help for now, I was only one bad sprain away from completely sublexing. Full sublexation is when the tendons slide completely out of place, in front of the renticulum, which is a small piece that covers your tendons. We talked for a little while about surgical options, and I walked out of the office that day certain that I had to have the surgery at some point. It was made clear that the problem would not go away on its own.
My surgery went smoothly. I was put on valium beforehand, as I have severe needle-induced anxiety. Because of this, we decided to take advantage of my doped-up state, and we also took care of all of the vaccinations I would need before college at the same time. I remember very little from that morning, only that the shots were very quick, and saying a few very funny, very loose-lipped things to my parents. I also vaguely remember getting into the hospital gown, having the IV put in, and subsequently asking if the doctors put any "happy stuff" into my IV. They said no, but I definitely don't believe them. The last thing I remember, in an almost dream like way, is them putting a mask on my face, and saying, "Don't struggle, it's just oxygen".
The next thing I remember is coming to full consciousness, being told, "we put the chapstick right here, so you can have it when you need it."
My ankle had been wrapped up nicely in a splint-style cast, and the IV was still in my hand (which only freaked me out a little bit. I think I was too tired to care). I didn't feel any pain in my ankle. The doctor hadn't put a block into my ankle, as they often do with these types of surgery (a block is something that will block all nerve reception on the area for an extended period of time), but they did apparently give me some novacaine, which unfortunately wore off.
The next few days were hazy. I was on Percocet for about a week after, and it made me fall asleep constantly. I didn't feel like I was loopy at all, but visitors told me that I wasn't making much sense. Some people say that they were able to be up and about for a few hours at once just a couple of days after a similar surgery, but I took a little bit longer. I kept on having hot flashes, a sort of "hangover" I was told, from the anesthesia. Everything's better now, and I was able to forego any sort of pain medication about two weeks after surgery.
One note my doctor gave was that when he got into my ankle, they discovered that the issue wasn't that my groove wasn't deep enough. The problem was that there wasn't a groove at all. It was pretty much miraculous that my tendon didn't have any tears in it, and I got very lucky.
A couple of things about the post-op + FAQ, especially for anyone reading who has had/will have a similar surgery:
-I have temporary nerve damage in my toes, and also in my heel. I can't always feel things touching my toes, and it feels like pins and needles sometimes. This is caused by a few things, like the tourniquet they used in surgery, and also just general screwing with the nerve system in your feet. It's healing. Nerves heal at about 1 mm/day. So it takes a bit.
-How many stitches?
-I had about eight or ten. The scar/incision is about four inches long, and curved.
-Does it still hurt?
Well, yeah. But not nearly as much as it did. Now it really only hurts when I do stupid stuff, like fall on it (don't do that), or when I do my stretches
-How is the range of mobility after surgery like this?
-Not good. I'm doing the stretches prescribed to me by my podiatrist- I've been told to write the alphabet with my foot. The first few times, I got to around H and then gave up. The pain was excruciating and exhausting. But after just a few days of getting to Z, it got easier. I've also found that it doesn't hurt (well, it does, but figuratively it doesn't) to use your hands to stretch the foot a little farther than you're comfortable with.
-What about the strength in your surgery leg?
-Ewie. It's awful. My calves, which have always been incredibly muscular and bulky, are now mismatched so severely, they look like they came from two different bodies. I've heard this gets better, but for now, the chicken-legged flabby flob of muscle freaks me out.
-When are you getting off of crutches?
-I don't know, stop asking. I'm only weight bearing as of this week. I still don't know about my projected full recovery, as we're planning in installments with my doctor.
-How much do crutches suck?
-actually, the worst thing about crutches is how people like to take them and play with them. It's funny once. And then it's just annoying. Please, guys. At least ask first. Because I sort of definitely need those things to walk with.

A Manifesto Against Sunglasses

I hate sunglasses.
Proportions of emotion,
disgust lies joy sadness
surprise
hidden
secret
behind the lenses you wear
so casually,
in which I can see my reflection-
another reason, by the way,
that they should be abolished.
Humans weren't meant to see
the expressions they make as they're talking.
You're wearing sunglasses,
and all of the feelings
spattered onto my face
are overbearing,
my expressions a parade of facades.
Thanks to you.

But most importantly,
I squint when I look up
into the sun
while I'm talking to you
because I can't convincingly
avoid your eyes
while you're wearing sunglasses,
and I'm telling you
I'm sorry.

Brain Spit

There are new computers in our library, and they're pretty sweet. The only problem is that the screens are enormous. I hate the feeling that someone can read exactly what I'm typing without my knowing it. It's probably why they got the larger screens, actually. That way they know when kids aren't working. Yesterday's barefoot day was a success. I only got reprimanded once, by a very sweet hall monitor, who told me that the school could get charged a massive fine. I just told her I'd put my shoes on in my next class, and I never saw her again. I understand why OSHEA would have an issue with it. But I honestly don't think anyone would go and rat me out to the officials. Recently overheard from a level two science class doing research in the library: "Know what's sad? I don't even know how to look up a book." "These pants are like, size ones. I'm a nine." (whyyyy?) "Umm, way to work with me." "Umm, way to be a Taylor." "Umm, way to copy my hair color." "I'm not going blonde." I'm pretty sure one of the girls over at the other computer table is high. It's not an attractive look for her. My mind is everywhere this morning. But I'm feeling so fly, like a G6, probably because I biked to school this morning. Excercise in the morning is supposed to be really good for you.

Barefoot- One Day Without Shoes 2011

I never liked wearing shoes very much. I have a clear memory of one instance, actually, when I threw a temper-tantrum when forced to wear sneakers to go to the folk festival. "But summer's not over yet!" I had explained, tears streaming down my face. We play disc barefoot. I hike barefoot (sometimes. My podiatrist doesn't like this so much). Anything I can do in shoes, I believe I can do barefoot. Which is why I love today. Today, TOMS Shoes puts on a day for global poverty awareness, called One Day Without Shoes. It's exactly what it sounds like. The idea is that by going one day without shoes, you create enough hubub to tell people about the point of it all- thousands, maybe millions of people around the world go every single day without shoes. And while I fully support the barefoot lifestyle, that's just not alright. In many of the countries where this is a prevalent issue, not having shoes may lead to things like soil-transmitted infections, serious cuts, sores, and abrasions, and could also impact a child's education. You can read more about it on the TOMS website. So I've gone shoeless today, and I feel like I'm living on the edge. I wore flipflops this morning, just to get to our car, and to bring to school. I took them off before I got to the door of the school, and the water from the rain and the snow chilled the bottoms of my ankle braces (I'm now wearing both of them). I planned my outfit to most subtly allow me to go barefoot. This includes long pants and a more attractive top, the idea being that people will look UP instead of DOWN. Why all of this disgression? It's against our school dress code, apparently, to go barefoot (Which, by the way, is why so many kids in these countries need shoes. So they can go to school.), and I can see why. It's cold up here. People need shoes. And you don't relaly want 2,000 teenagers bouncing around barefoot all the time. Not that 2,000 of us would. I don't think that too many of my teachers will care today, and some of them might even get behind the idea. But I brought those flipflops just in case some one especially stuffy comes by and insists that I'm committing some travesty by not wearing shoes. If I could do this (almost) every day, I would. What I really should invest in is a pair of these. At first glance, it almost looks like you're wearing shoes. On the note of being barefoot, I'm going to campaign a little bit. The idea of going barefoot is gross to some, and there IS a reason why TOMS sends shoes to people in third world countries. There are times when you should wear shoes. There are gross things you can get. But what about barefoot running? It's pretty darn good for you. Also, if you've never tried walking around barefoot somewhere, I'd recommend it. There's this serious satisfaction when people ask, "Are you...barefoot?", and you can just smile and say, "Yes...yes I am".

I Hate College Mail

I'm never giving my email address to a college again. And if I could go back in time, I would probably not give my address to CollegeBoard, either. I keep getting all of these mass emails from colleges in like, North Dakota that I've never even heard of and certainly am not interested in. They say things like, "Rebecca, you are important to Fordham University", or "Three reasons why Northeastern is a good match for you" (one of which is that they feel that they are a good match for me. Yeah, that sounds plausible and well-researched). Probably my favorite so far is from Emmanuel College, an email with the subject, "I've chosen you". Firstly, since when does a college assume a first person pronoun? Secondly, I wasn't aware that colleges were around in the Pokemon realm, or that Emmanuel was a cult. Pick your choice, because it's got to be one of the two. Awful, creepy email subjects aside, the content of these emails (which I rarely open anymore) is almost richer. They usually contain offers for pamphlets (*More on this later) or quizzes that I can receive or take that will presumably show me a good match for my college choice, or tell me what major I should look into. Always claimed easy, personalized, and time-efficient, these quizzes will supposedly show me "more about myself and why ____(insert college name here)___ is a good fit for me!" Woohoo. As if the entire forest chopped down and shoved into my mailbox from these schools wasn't enough. (This is the *). I started receiving college mail as soon as I finished my first round of PSATs last year. It's not even like I'm that good of a student. In fact, my GPA is sort of crummy, probably because I write on here during my study hall instead of doing real work. But I test well, so if that's what they're looking at, well of COURSE they want me to go to their school. If I'm to be honest, some of the school mail has been helpful. I like getting stuff from Colby. But I've never gotten anything in the mail from the colleges I'd really like to go to, like Carlton or St. Anselms. And I certainly get enough from dumb All-Girls colleges. Simmons once sent me three envelopes in one week. The mail that really catches my attention though, are the student-involved ones. So there you have it, collegeboard. If you want my application, universities, send me a newsletter. Not "5 reasons you'll love Catholic University of America". In other, more exciting news (and less grumpy), I finally applied for a job. Just one. I should probably be applying for lots more, but I really want this job. It's at a local plant nursery, and it's Perfect. Capital P. It's closed in the winter, my busy season, and it smells like mulch. Can you say BestJobEver? It sounds really promising. I've been told to call in a few weeks just to remind them I exist, because that's when they'll be hiring.

Six-Word Memoirs

"For Sale: Baby shoes. Never worn"

Six word stories are tricky to master, but as soon as you get into a rhythm, I think they're pretty wonderful and fun to write! I could write them for hours, I think. Or at least one hour, before I got distracted.

Six Word Memoirs:

I'm a bit long winded, so...

Pardon me, pass the parmesan cheese.

I make up words. They understand.

I nan cever weep kords straight.

Ummmm, I, um, don't, um, know.

It is always the right time.

Can't I have five more minutes?

IsmushwordstogethertogetineverythingIneedtosay. It's kindof hard to read.

Everyone wipes tears. But not blush?

I think it'll take more time and brewing to actually come up with anything profound.

The Question

The Question

"Have you ever been in love?"
he asks me.
I am seventeen,
and to myself I think,
softly,
that each one of us
trips into love
over and over and
over
again in our lifetimes,
until,
just once,
the universe grants us the magic
to make it work.
Aloud
I reply, softly,
"I don't know."
When he presses,
I explain
that one may never know
if they have been in love
until the end of one's lifetime,
in the same way
that one cannot say which
flower smells the sweetest
until they have sniffed a good many.
I think the elderly much wiser
and glad, even,
to know whether or not
they have ever been in love.
Perhaps it's why old,
wrinkle-etched faces
always look so decidedly happy
or so decidedly
sad.