I Hate College Mail

I'm never giving my email address to a college again. And if I could go back in time, I would probably not give my address to CollegeBoard, either. I keep getting all of these mass emails from colleges in like, North Dakota that I've never even heard of and certainly am not interested in. They say things like, "Rebecca, you are important to Fordham University", or "Three reasons why Northeastern is a good match for you" (one of which is that they feel that they are a good match for me. Yeah, that sounds plausible and well-researched). Probably my favorite so far is from Emmanuel College, an email with the subject, "I've chosen you". Firstly, since when does a college assume a first person pronoun? Secondly, I wasn't aware that colleges were around in the Pokemon realm, or that Emmanuel was a cult. Pick your choice, because it's got to be one of the two. Awful, creepy email subjects aside, the content of these emails (which I rarely open anymore) is almost richer. They usually contain offers for pamphlets (*More on this later) or quizzes that I can receive or take that will presumably show me a good match for my college choice, or tell me what major I should look into. Always claimed easy, personalized, and time-efficient, these quizzes will supposedly show me "more about myself and why ____(insert college name here)___ is a good fit for me!" Woohoo. As if the entire forest chopped down and shoved into my mailbox from these schools wasn't enough. (This is the *). I started receiving college mail as soon as I finished my first round of PSATs last year. It's not even like I'm that good of a student. In fact, my GPA is sort of crummy, probably because I write on here during my study hall instead of doing real work. But I test well, so if that's what they're looking at, well of COURSE they want me to go to their school. If I'm to be honest, some of the school mail has been helpful. I like getting stuff from Colby. But I've never gotten anything in the mail from the colleges I'd really like to go to, like Carlton or St. Anselms. And I certainly get enough from dumb All-Girls colleges. Simmons once sent me three envelopes in one week. The mail that really catches my attention though, are the student-involved ones. So there you have it, collegeboard. If you want my application, universities, send me a newsletter. Not "5 reasons you'll love Catholic University of America". In other, more exciting news (and less grumpy), I finally applied for a job. Just one. I should probably be applying for lots more, but I really want this job. It's at a local plant nursery, and it's Perfect. Capital P. It's closed in the winter, my busy season, and it smells like mulch. Can you say BestJobEver? It sounds really promising. I've been told to call in a few weeks just to remind them I exist, because that's when they'll be hiring.